14th September 2006 : A day that will live in infamy

There are seldom times where I break down: the only times when I broke down was when my parents get into fights or some crisis in my family.

But i would never imagine that a guy in my Medicine yr 5 batch would be able to bring me down with just his nasty and caustic words alone.
It started when I was conducting this feedback session about the class' anxieties about the MBBS exam. It was done in a rushed and hurried manner I must say:- the earlier CTS session had overran by half an hour!! and i lost my 15 minutes pocket of time. but lan lan , prof t. was pushing for me to get it done asap..

Nevertheless i did manage to get 10 over opinions from the class about the issue. I thought it was not too bad considering we only had 10 minutes. When I ended the session on the insistence of this grouchy prof from NUH conducting the electives symposium, YC just strutted down and told me in the face "That was a TOTAL waste of time".

I was like aghast with shock. Anyhow I later shot him an email that he can choose to contact Prof. T if he wishes to clarify the issue. He replied with a fiery email filled with harshy-worded comments and personal attacks stating that i had "demanded" feedback from a resistant class when they had no experience whatsoever about the MBBS et al. It was apparent to me that he did not understand what I had set out to do, and it was precisely Prof. T's intention to get feedback BEFORE the actual exam format was being released. Prof T was nice enough to reply YC with an email to defend me.

Later, when YC challenged me to a verbal war over the phone, he said he had already spoken to Prof. T and had no problems with my content, but was critical of my style. He said that sitting in the audience, he said I was "patronising", "dismissive of the class' comments", "presenting a biased, skewed view of what Prof. T had originally intended for me to deliver. In addition, he also said I was "using Prof. T's name to crush him" because I "didn't want my authority to be questioned". To top me off, at the end of the 20 hateful and hurting conversation on the phone, he had to say he "understands perfectly what i am saying, but i DON't understand a word what he's saying". He's right - amidst all the personal attacks and harsh words, I couldn't understand what his aim was. He first started off firing at my content in the email, and later changed his tone over the phone and said he was now vehemently against the style in which I presented the feedback session.

He even said this really hateful statement: "Normally, they say don't shoot the messenger, blame the content. But yesterday i felt the messenger (i.e. me) should be shot." I was like aghast.. how can a person , a human being be so hateful ? I just broke down after that .. i think i cried for like half an hour and lamented my feelings to several of my friends. I also found out that he had done similar antics to the previous class reps, and some told me that this wasn't going to be the first or last time he will do this to me.

I was so upset and miserable that I just went to bed and slept through the entire friday evening. missing my shows and etc. I just never understood how a person can be so hateful, when i am only his peer , a classmate. i just feel i dun deserve this when me and guanhao dun get aNYthing out of typing out long-winded emails , and organising such feedback sessions esp in my final year. while others did warn me about his arrogance and condescending ways, i never realised i would get so affected by just his words alone.

Anyway a big shout to TR , GH , joline , clinton and choonta for reassuring me and consoling me. it was just such a horrible day.